A renowned astrologer in India told my client V that she will never get married.
She was only 32 years old at that time and keen to find a partner. Once the shock of hearing this from a figure of authority, whose predictions seemed to come true ninety percent of the time, had lifted, she, her parents, and friends worked hard to find her a partner.
After 4 years of extensive effort, most of them gave up. V gave up, too. Disheartened but not broken, she chose to move on and fulfil her wish of being a mother. Inspired by the likes of Bollywood figures Karan Johar and Sushmita Sen, she decided, at the age of 36, to adopt a baby girl. She was determined that she could be a single parent. Within a year of applying for adoption V, became a proud mother of a 9 month old baby girl. 3 years have passed since. Now at 40, V’s desire for a partner has surfaced again.
Our need for love, companionship and even sexual fulfilment is a reality. We might learn to live without it but we rarely stop craving it when we don’t have it. V has started her search once again, but this time, marriage is not what she is looking for. V says she will settle for living in with someone, since the prophecy was that she will not get married. As we navigate through learning the ropes of modern dating, V brings this up ever so often. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Another client of mine has been set off on another journey by her tarot card reader. K, a 31-year-old, has been told that she will end up in a happy relationship with a man who is younger than her. She blindly dismisses any man her age or older who shows interest in her. All this in the interest of not wasting her time. "Why even go there?" says K, since she ‘knows’ that the person she ends up with is going to be younger than her. It’s clearly indicated by her Tarot cards.
However, as of now, K is finding it difficult to find and then be able to establish a long term serious connection with men younger than her. Despite this, she is unwilling to consider any man who is not younger than her. I find the fact that she is looking for someone younger than her consciously quite refreshing (most women don't consider younger men if they have a choice). But I am not enthused by her reason K for this.
There are already many beliefs and boundaries we nurture, especially when finding a partner. And then, often, we also add this external layer of prophecy or prediction.
I do wonder: is it the prophecies that define our paths?
I am not against people seeking external help from astrologers or tarot card readers or psychics. We all go through phases in life where we seek answers about life and future. If it helps us sail through a tough time, it’s worth it. But if we are susceptible to believing blindly, then that's something to rethink.
In my personal journey of finding a partner, from the age of 29 to 35 I was taken to a few astrologers, a tarot card reader, and more. Most astrologers predicted that I would get married the very year that I had met them. I didn’t. A famous tarot card reader said it will be tough for me to find someone I would like to get married to. I didn't find it tough, infact I quite enjoyed the journey.
Another specialist had suggested that I remove the ‘obstacles’ I was facing on my path to marriage by following a strange to-do list. This ranged from feeding cows tandoori rotis (!) to putting a black "teeka" on a coconut and throwing it in a river for seven consecutive Mondays! I just couldn't do any of these. Despite all these predictions and predicaments, I did get married at the age of 37, to the man I wanted to be with. We continue to be happily married fourteen years later.
Often, due to circumstantial evidence one can give up making an effort as is the case with V. She and her family attempted to find V a partner even after hearing the astrologers' predictions. When they were unsuccessful in their search, both V and her family seemed to have accepted this prediction as her destiny. One can also give up on someone who would have made a great partner like K did, because they are not of the appropriate age that their tarot card had indicated.
Whatever you do, my suggestion would be to not give up on seeking what your heart desires. Before resigning to your fate based on what an astrologer, psychic or a Tarot card reader tells you, please do consider believing in some real miracles.
This is a limited series by Simran Mangharam, a dating and relationship coach, who can be reached on firstname.lastname@example.org