50, young, and romantic: The love issue

What makes a person who is finally comfortable the way he or she is, and has survived the weight and anxieties of adult life, attractive? Ideally, exactly that mellowing, isn’t it? Most 50-year-old or 50-plus people I meet, or friends from that age group, have an attractive repose about them; a life-accustomed quality. Yes, they usually have more pills than a 30- or 40-year-old does, but they are probably more cautious about what they eat, and more fit than many of us.

Society is usually hard on people above 50, especially in India. A 50-year-old person in love finds it hard to gain acceptance; love at that age is not considered romantic but, often, questionable. An unmarried 50-year-old is seen as someone doomed to a lonely life. In many parts of India, families impose an ascetic life on 50-year-old widows—their diet, movement, attire transform overnight.

Most celebrations for the 50th birthday, some of which I happen to have attended in the past year, have the sentimentality of an ageing milestone. Usually, the person spells out what he or she needs to do in the next decade, things that they have always wanted to do but never had the time for.

But perceptions are changing, as you will find in the stories in our Valentine’s Day special issue.

It could well be that not too many 50-year-olds are dating. We reached out to people behind the dating apps popular in Indian cities to find out if older people are registering to meet partners. None of them, including Tinder, Truly Madly, Thrill and Vee, gave us data that would indicate a change. But as these essays and interviews suggest, when you find love in the 50s or later, it can be more demanding, fulfilling and permanent.

We have the story of a couple whose love affair spanned many years, relocations and an adoption; the intense story of a Delhi woman finding romance through BDSM at 52, an illuminating essay on how our classic Sanskrit texts depict epic love.

Cover boy Milind Soman defies all the parameters of a quinquagenarian. Last year, he ran the Ironman in Zurich. He is in a relationship and professes a Zen-like approach to love. Nobody else who writes and is featured in this issue was once a supermodel; grey hair may not fall as charmingly on their foreheads, but Soman is the exact representation of the idea that the 50s can be hot.

Enjoy the issue.

And share love stories with us—your own, your 60-year-old aunt’s or 50-year-old sibling’s, with photos and images.

Sanjukta Sharma

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